Saying “Goodbye”

One of the most difficult aspects of this lifestyle is learning how to say goodbye. 

My first thought, when attempting to arrange a time to meet with my inner circle of friends – which was a lot like herding cats – was to say, “This isn’t really ‘goodbye’. I’ll be back from time to time, so it’s really ‘until next time’.” Truthfully, however, I was saying goodbye. 

I was saying goodbye to the very thing that held us together – the commonality of our lives. We lived in the same area; we worked the same jobs; we shared similar life experiences. I was saying goodbye to the weekly get-together for drinks, the daily text messages about emotional crises or celebrations, the impromptu meetings for a smile or a hug, the morning phone calls that evolved into coffee at Starbucks. The comfort in knowing that we were all just a moment away from each other. My friends, my village, realized this truth immediately; it took time for me to admit it to myself. Guilt unexpectedly crept in.

I was severing those physical connections to which we steadfastly adhere. The familiarity and intimacy that provide us with consistency. And it dawned on me then – I was bidding farewell to that life of familiarity and consistency and replacing it with a headfirst dive into the unknown. It was suddenly an absurd, impractical, and seemingly lopsided thought. “I’m taking you all with me – wherever I go,” was what I had said to them. That statement, the one that everyone who has ever left uses, sounded flat in hindsight. That my decision would have little effect on their sensibilities was a misjudgment on my part, and I would struggle with that awareness. Did they know that leaving them, that saying goodbye, did not in any way mean that I was saying goodbye to the ties, the affection, the influence on my life and heart that these relationships had so generously provided? Did they know how I felt, and still feel, about them? Did they know just how very much I would miss them? I was torn between here and there – afraid of losing all that had kept me grounded through so much life experience.

Still, the road was calling me. 

In the end, I chose to follow a dream rather than remain firmly planted in reality. I chose to answer the call that would allow me to explore places, physical and virtual, that I hardly imagined possible and to maintain relationships, both physical and virtual. My friends and family, never more than a click away, watching with laughter, amazement, sometimes anxiousness, but never surprise, the antics and misadventures of their favorite vagabond. And, again, it dawned on me – ultimately, you have to say goodbye to today if you ever want to say hello to tomorrow.